So recently the wonderful Seven Dates a Week wrote a post about long-distance relationships that was about as great as you might expect. Except, she left out one glaring issue: the sex. Just how DO you develop and maintain a sexual connection over a distance? It’s definitely a challenge, but as a professional cam girl who’s had lots of long-distance fun, for work and for play, I am here to help!
1. Get supplies.
Staying in touch in the modern age—especially staying in sexual touch—requires a certain level of telecommunications tech to be maximally enjoyable. You will need a reasonably fast computer (you want one of those anyway, though, right?), and broadband internet (but none of us are on dialup anymore). You’ll want an HD webcam and video recording software—even if you’re shy, and we’ll get to that later. You’ll also probably want some audio recording software. Anything that does voice memos, like maybe your smartphone, will do. Sign up for a cloud storage provider like Dropbox so you can easily share large files. You will thank me later for suggesting you get a wireless headset for hands-free phone calls. Download and install Skype. I don’t like to recommend specific products or software, but trust me on this one: no other program is as readily available and also as reliable and easy to use for video calling.
2. Turn on your imagination.
OK, so you can’t have physical sex with your long-distance partner, at least, not as often as you’d like. But you can certainly tell each other all about all the things you would do, or actually will do, as soon as you see each other next. (As per SDAW’s post, you’ve got a plan, right?) If you’re shy, you can start in email or chat and maybe work up to a phone or Skype session. As you get more comfortable with each other, you should absolutely bust out the sex fantasies you’ve been too shy or lazy to share with local partners in the past. Talking about something especially intense, like a super hot and dirty fantasy, can make even ordinary instant messages the hottest thing that have happened to you in years. When you finally get to see each other in person, you’ll have worked yourselves up to the kind of properly mind-blowing fuckstravaganza that long-distance lovers deserve.
3. Discover your inner pornographer.
Filthy emails and sexts, dirty pictures, or recorded audio and video serve several purposes in a long-distance relationship. Having trouble sharing your fantasies? It can be easier to put it in an email. Does the thought of phone sex intimidate you? Why not practice by recording yourself having an orgasm while telling your partner what you’re thinking about? Your partner’s positive reaction to your naughty MP3 might give you the confidence boost you need to move on to something more interactive. Even if you’re already a full-blown exhibitionist like me, making porn for your long-distance partner is a great solution for those of us who are thwarted not only by distance, but also by time zones. (I live 9 hours ahead of my current love interest, and I lived 13 hours ahead of a previous boyfriend!) It can be hard to find the time to play together, but you can still inspire and tease one another by trading porn—written, audio, and visual.
4. Learn each other’s bodies.
It can be hard to have great sex in long distance relationships, because we just don’t have the same amount of time to touch, explore, and experiment with our partner’s bodies the way we would if we were dating someone local. If you haven’t met in person before (just hit it off online), the first time you see each other can be incredibly scary because of this, especially if you want to jump straight to all the sex you haven’t been having. However, if you followed my advice and got Skype + a high-quality webcam, you can do a lot to get comfortable with your partner’s body from afar. Watching your partners (and showing off for them in turn) can teach you what gets each other off, as well as being incredibly hot to watch. When you do meet up, you’ll be so used to seeing each other naked on screen that it will almost be like you were together the whole time.
5. Fulfill your need for physical touch.
Whether your relationship is monogamous or polyamorous, expect that there are at least some needs you’re going to have to meet locally. It’s possible to do a lot of getting off together, even at tremendous distances, and be quite sexually satisfied. However, recreating cuddles is damn near impossible. Don’t let the rest of your social network fall to pieces while you care for a long-distance relationship, because you’re going to want to hug your friends a lot. Go for it, because friends are awesome and so are snuggles.
All right, you modern sexual peregrines: go get it! Be safe, have fun, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!Isn’t she wonderful? See more of her (a lot more) at her website or follow her on Twitter!