The second of my boyfriends I’d like to introduce you to is the Kid. (I’ve had to stop referring to my nephew as “the kid” because of him.) The first line of the Kid’s OKCupid message to me was, “I know I’m a little young for you, but…” My eyes flicked upward on the page. NINETEEN?! No way. Wait, this could be hot. Very hot. But nineteen! I kept reading, and he was saying all the right things. Girls his own age bored him and lacked the self-confidence and comfort with their sexuality that older women projected effortlessly. He had a girlfriend at his university and was looking for a low-key FWB situation. And he wanted to try anything and everything.
I took him to a quirky mom-and-pop coffee shop for our first date, and although he had promised me he would be terribly awkward, he wasn’t. We had plenty to talk about, and he was nervous, but sweetly so. He had me throwing my head back laughing more than once. The one quality I need in a partner – absolutely can’t live without it for even a second – is authenticity. The Kid was so comfortable with himself that I forgot the age gap almost entirely. Eventually, he allowed himself to be caught looking down my shirt a couple of times. So I took him home, to meet my kitten and make out on my couch.
And the Kid turned out to be quite a surprise. His kissing that afternoon was absolutely perfect, and it still is today. His hands are patient and steady; firm and gentle; tentative but urgent. He’s one of those lovers who seem like mind-readers, who notice your every reaction and respond accordingly. The orgasms the Kid gives me are so intense and so close together that I occasionally black out for a moment or two. I can’t think of a time we’ve been together that we haven’t tried something new. He has endless energy, and I have endless appetite. The Kid is so very delicious.
Perhaps it’s luck that we’re just so sexually compatible. Perhaps it’s just a precise intersection of tastes, intelligences, skills, and desires. Or perhaps the reason this relationship is so devastatingly satisfying is the same reason it strikes others as so unlikely: the age difference. I’m sure we’ve all heard that the sexes reach their lifetime sexual peak at different ages – females in their early 30s, males in their late teens. In truth, both sexes reach their lifetime fertility peak at age 18-20. Females experience an increase in sex drive as they reach their 30s, but it’s a biological phenomenon – as fertility decreases, sexual desire increases; it’s nature’s way of ensuring the preservation (not that it’s in danger) of the species.
No, what I mean is that the Kid and I are a great match sexually and intellectually because our different life experiences have sculpted us into the exact shapes each other desires. The Kid was looking for a mature lady with confidence, who was straightforward about her high sex drive and her taste for sexual adventure. And I was looking for a partner who was curious, skilled, and ready to be himself around me.
Although I call him a boyfriend, and I am indeed very fond of him, I don’t love the Kid. And he is just fine with that. Of course, any partner of mine is aware that I date non-monogamously, and must be comfortable with my (sometimes) limited availability, both emotional and physical. This is something about me that actually pleases the Kid. And so while our relationship seems impossible from the outside, it has a nice foundation of clear boundaries and expectations. Honest communication is vital to any relationship – but tenfold to non-monogamous ones. Luckily we are both good at it – because the Kid and I just can’t get enough of each other.